What gifts has 2018 bestowed upon us? It been dominated by Brexit, Brexit and Brexit. Many of us pretend that we know the intricacies, but we haven’t a Scooby. We don’t know the finer details of the backstop or the trade deals, despite Robert Peston’s drawling as he waters it down for us commoners during his nightly diatribe. I feel I’m turning into more of an antiquated old codger year on year, as I’ve little knowledge of millennials, Drake or ‘Dave’ (a rapper apparently), although snowflakes are becoming easier to spot with each passing day.

This year has been an elongated silly season. A woman was arrested for beeping her horn in a ‘racially aggravated way’ and we can no longer refer to men as men nor women, women, so as not to offend the gender fluid amongst us who wish to identify as none of the above.

There have been a few shining lights this year however, and it pleases me to be in a position to present to you the Brett Ellis Column 2018 award winners, in no particular order:

Leader of the Year: Richard Walker: Iceland CEO (the BOGOF frozen food shop, not the country). At a tender 37 years of age, it is rare to have a corporate titan speak with refreshing honesty as they put their money where their mouth is and place ethics above profit. He has advocated banning plastic and palm oil and was the brains behind the banned orangutan advert that went viral.

Own goal of the year: Richard Walker: Iceland CEO after admitting that Iceland still stock 200 products that contain palm oil.

Loser of the year: Mark Zuckerberg: 87 million users' data lost. I rest my case.

Butter fingers of the year: Theresa May. Displaying the athletic prowess of a Scottish goalkeeper, she has managed to have Davis, Johnson & Johnson, Green, Rabb, Greening, Vera, Brokenshire and Amber all jump overboard from the rudderless ship during the last 12 months.

Marmite award: Piers Morgan: One of them is slippery yet dense, lays it on thick and leaves a nasty taste in the mouth. The other is marmite.

The North Korean Unity award: Hertsmere Borough Council planning department. Despite planning to build 6,000 homes in and around London Colney, they refuse to consult or visit the village as it’s a different borough. You only have to traverse a roundabout guys: The locals have even promised a pitchfork amnesty.

2018 has, as we say every year, been a loss to culture through those who have departed: Take a bow Lee, Reynolds, Winton , Dodd, McCain, Annan, Chuckle, Stringfellow, Jowell, Bristow, Wilkins, Bayliss, Bannister, O’ Riordan, Regis, Geoffrey from Rainbow, Aretha and the legendary Chas ‘Gertcha’ Hodges.

The Turn It In award: Blair. The human wrecking ball is back! Not content with nearly causing World War III, prior to reinventing himself as a peace envoy, the laggard is now attempting to gate crash the Brexit party. He has thankfully been made as welcome as Katie Hopkins at a diversity convention.

The ‘How Clean Is Your House Not Very’ award: Katie Price. She has endured an annus horribilis after her career collapsed, she was declared bankrupt, and pictures of her house, which resembled Steptoe’s yard on a bad day, were released to the press. She has recently resorted to selling staged pictures of her secreting her rubbish in a wheelie bin wearing nothing but some joggers and a bra, as you do in November.

Princess of the Year: Meghan Markle. Despite the ongoing dramas surrounding her family, who make the Simpsons look functional, she has risen above siblings selling their stories to the press with grace and dignity and added some sparkle to proceedings, positioning herself and Harry as the teenies' Posh and Becks.

TV Show of the Year: The brooding Ray Donovan with Liev Shreiber, who shows that it’s ok for psychopaths to wear suits.

Film of the Year: The Greatest Showman which, although a slow burner, hooked young and old alike, and made a star of bearded ladies Tom Thumb and Loren Allred.

Team of the Year: The England football team for finally giving the nation the opportunity to hang St George flags from their bedroom windows without being accused of being a member of the far-right.

Protestors of the Year: The Nascot Lawn parents group. It’s difficult enough caring for a child with a disability or complex special need. Such difficulty has been made all the worse by Herts Valleys Clinical Commissioning Group who withdrew the Nascot Lawn funding. Right is on your side and the public support your attempts to overturn the decision by those who wouldn’t last a day walking in your shoes.

But now…without further ado, the moment no one has been waiting for...

Person of the year 2018: Following on from James Blunt in 2016 and Brucie last year, the award is posthumous and goes to Professor Stephen Hawking, who died in March. After being diagnosed with motor neurone disease in 1963, he was given two years to live, but managed an astonishing 55. Educated in St Albans and Radlett, he embraced his condition to prove himself one of the finest minds history has ever produced, coupled with the ability to be self-effacing and act with humility. As a bestselling author with a sharp wit, 2018 belongs to the professor who made an indelible mark during his brief history in time.